weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
