Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
