there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
