Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize