i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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