I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
