i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
