Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize