you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
