mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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