My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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