Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
