I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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