i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
