It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
