I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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