I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
