i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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