she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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