he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
