That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
