I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We are two peas in an std pod
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
