I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
