Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize