My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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