i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize