I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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