he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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