I am spending my child support on dildos
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's always time for handjobs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
