Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize