is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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