He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
