when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
