I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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