Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
