you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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