4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well I just put wine in my tea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
