i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
