no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
