Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
