Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
