I just cut my nipple shaving
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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