i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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