were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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