kristin has been a bad kristin
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
