Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
