i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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