I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
