he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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