Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
