Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
