So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
