You smell like a Billy Joel song
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
