i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
