Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Small penises have feelings too.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
