did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
