Sponge bath it is.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
