Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
