Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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