she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
