Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.

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(325): View more from Texas

I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room

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(973): View more from New Jersey

All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.

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(804): View more from Virginia

he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

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(817): View more from Texas

I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I wanna throw up and cum in that order

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(416): View more from Toronto

He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...

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