Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
