I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
