Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
