Kareoke will never be a sober sport
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
