the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
