So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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