and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He shit in the fireplace
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
