I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
