There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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